Judy Hintz Cox: Love / Hate Relations Of An Artist With Her Art
Working as an artist is a choice. It is common knowledge that making a living as an artist is difficult. Therefore working as an artist usually means finding other means of support while waiting to "be discovered". I actually thought I would "be discovered" as a great artist. I had dates set in my mind based on my age. By the time I turned fifty I stopped thinking I would be famous. The question is why was that important? I think it was and is about validation. It is hard to be recognized as a professional when unable to support yourself financially.
A few years ago I painted a series of abstract female clowns, many on crosses. For a long time I thought I needed to paint some sort of message. My thinking involved both females and artists. Using the crucifixion symbol was an extreme measure to get an idea seen. I think there are times when we all think life is unfair and we deserve more. I could go on and on with the "poor me" subject but no one likes to hear about it and being in that mental space is destructive.
Drawing and painting for me are about sharing my emotions with myself."
Judy Hintz Cox
As noted above, I choose to work as an artist. When a painting is going well and taking on a life of its own I have a giddy overwhelming feeling of love. It is so much fun and a big reason to continue working as an artist. And then there's the cliché of expressing my inner emotions which is true but I get tired of spouting the obvious.
An artist friend once said the fun part of being an artist is probably less than 30% of your time. Painting isn't just putting paint on a canvas. Any art requires a lot of physical and mental preparation. I do have a love/hate relationship with my art. This is not unique to me and this is not just about art. In Buddhism the first noble truth is often translated as "Life is Suffering". That doesn't mean life is hopeless. Nothing is permanent and that is good news. Moments of love and hate are back and forth. So just when I'm feeling like giving up, everything changes and it's all good. So just let me say art is my career. It isn't perfect and often frustrating. But it is what I do.