For so long this was the question that haunted me. If it wasn’t foremost in my thoughts it was always just below scratching at my esteem. It was like a ball and chain around my leg, holding me, whispering to me “don’t do it, don’t try, it’s no use”.
I think this is why I can relate to artist Anne Truitt so much, to her thoughts in her Daybook where she says, “Indeed, I am not sure that I can grow as an artist until I can bring myself to accept that I am one.”
I used to wonder if I was good enough. I didn’t think I was and it stopped me from moving.
Truitt also said, “The fact of financial insecurity…and the momentum of my own work and my efforts to be responsible for it, have thrown me into the open. The open being: I am an artist. Even to write it makes me feel deeply uneasy. I am, I feel, not good enough to be an artist.”
It’s a backwards way of thinking though. If you want something you go after it. No you’re not as good as you want to be, but you are good enough, right now, to begin, to continue.
It took years of struggle (I continue to struggle) and a catalyst in the way of my Aunt and Uncle encouraging me to, as they say in boxing, let my hands go.